Looking for your soul mate?
What sign should you look for?
Is your Mars in her relationship chart?
Is your Venus afflicting his Moon?
Is Pluto going to transform your sex life?
If you believe any of those things will manifest your soul mate, think again.
Identifying and working through the patterns revealed in your
(Translation:Your own psyche)
is the one, THE ONLY,
thing that will ever get you the relationship brass ring
and get you off the merry-go-round of repeated disappointments.
Read how Diana Stone has led hundreds of clients from Relationship Hell to Relationship Paradise—well, maybe not paradise, but pretty good considering the human condition.
Call for a one-hour consultation that will change your life!
That is as good at it gets.
When Will this Relationship Misery End?
We now seriously turn to a subject that can and does inflict unbearable pain and suffering to even the most hardened veteran of life experience. Affairs of the heart turned bad could bring even the angels themselves to their knees. I know a great deal about relationships. I have been married three times--in the name of field research, of course. I specialize in relationship counseling in my practice.
When in the midst of relationship woes, the first question I usually hear is, “When is this cycle over?” That refers to whatever astrological cycle clients imagine is upon them. It really means, “When will this all go away without me doing anything about it?” Planetary cycles are not trained dogs that roll over and play dead just because you simply acknowledge the cycle and set your jaw to ride it out. There is no magic resolution once the cycle is over. It will be there to greet you when you wake up. The only difference is that it has become even more of a chronic problem than it was before the cycle came along in which you were meant to deal with it.
The real secret is in your own subconscious!
When my clients are wrestling with a decision to leave their relationships,
I counsel them to find out why their relationship problem manifested in the
first place. To get to the roots of the situation, we need to hark back to early
life as an infant and little kid. Your whole world reality was under the roof of
one house where the principal players were your primary family.
The way you were treated, along with the dynamics of the interactions between role models,
leads to decisions as to what relationships are all about. If you were beat up every day, relationships are about being painfully victimized. That is your reality at the subconscious level. If you want a relationship, then the inner self says, “That is the deal.” So we grow up and the conscious self goes a-courtin’. Sure enough we get beat up every day. That is the inner reality and believe me, the subconscious always wins the day.
Your primary relationship will be the one in which the real-deal problems will present themselves. One objection I hear from clients is, “But all my other relationships are great. It is only my husband (wife) who is a problem.” Come on. Get into a relationship with one of those other people and give it a little time. Those very same only-too-familiar-patterns will come back to haunt you.
Then there is the client that tells me they have no relationship problems. The reality with these people is that they have no relationship problems because they have never had an intimate relationship in their lives. Well, why is that, I wonder. Unless you have taken vows, I’m going looking for some history.
Are you following a script you wrote when you were a little kid?
How do you know what the inner reality is? You’re looking at it. It is reflected just like a mirror in the current state of your relationship life, whatever that may be. This is YOUR drama. The other guy is a player that is there to reinforce the role and the reality that was determined when you were a little kid. The subconscious can choose one person out of a thousand that will manifest your inner pattern in all its glory—act one, act two, act three, final curtain. Will that be happily ever after, divorce or the morgue?
The Case History
I like astrology because with the horoscope along with the case history, I can usually see the entire dynamics and work it through with my clients in a one-hour session. Of course, I have been at this for 35 years, and don’t forget the field research. Read on for a description of the counseling session that leads from awareness at the conscious level, to strategies for change, and ultimately to personal empowerment to write your own relationship script.
What is the process that leads to awareness and resolution?
First, I need to hear you tell me your relationship history. I want you to hear yourself step back and review that part of your life. As I listen, I will take notes regarding the themes that are running through your own personal story. This moves the session from generalized information about your chart that may be interesting and all, but nothing will change unless you see how it actually relates to your own personal and specific experience.
Identifying the Early Life Decision
My skill lies in identifying the patterns. This takes many years of experience
and a thorough understanding of the complex astrological signatures that involve
a great deal more than your Sun sign. In fact, the method for working this model
is the subject of the book that I am writing, The 10-step Communication Model for Astrologers.
I explain the psychodynamics of the formation of the subconscious patterns originating from the influence of the primary family, Mom and Pop and Company. We examine the history of what the Little Kid experienced. Once I draw the parallels, clients see how spookily similar their present situation duplicates that early life scenario. (My God, this is just like my mother!)
The Behaviors that Act Out the Patterns
Oh, yes, we act out the subconscious patterns but they are sneaky. The subconscious has many weapons in its arsenal that out class the conscious self every time. We are not consciously aware that we are sending these messages to the world. This comes through body language and communicating messages that really do not reflect our needs. This is a critical part of the counseling session. If we don’t understand how we ourselves are acting out and essentially reinforcing subconscious patterns, there can be no strategizing about how to realign them with our adult needs.
How to Change and Find Your True Partner
That is really what it is all about. It is not going to happen until the subconscious switches to align itself with present reality. It ain’t easy, folks. It doesn’t happen overnight. You got yourself into this mess and it has been reinforced over and over.
However, with increased awareness many of my clients have successfully met
Mister or Miss Right.
There are others that have not been successful. They have to go around
the loop a few more times. Here is a typical reaction I get when a
client comes dragging their bloodied head in from another skirmish
on the relationship battlefield. This always just amazes me.
I ask this question, “When did you know that this person was not for you and that the relationship would never work out?” I have the guts to ask this question with utter confidence because the answer is always, “Right from the beginning.” If we know right from the beginning, why do we do it anyway? Meet the power of the subconscious, friend, meet the power of the subconscious!
An Example of an Unconscious Relationship Pattern
A client complained that her husband ignored her; she may as well have been invisible as far as that relationship was concerned. I cut to the chase and asked what the relationship to her parents was like. She gave me a picture of a lovey, touchy feely situation all around. I couldn’t figure it. Then later in the conversation she dropped this tidbit on me, “And the only time my Mom ever hugged me was when I left for college.”
“What about all the group huggies you told me about?” I asked. “Oh, that didn’t include the kids. That was the relationship between my parents. They didn’t believe in touching the kids. They pretty much ignored us.” There you have it. The subconscious formed that reality and she married it. Count on it.
Change the inside; change the outside. It’s empowering.
If your own inner stuff is magnetically attracting negative situations into your life, so as I like to say, pay me enough money and I’ll help you out.
Astrological Relationship Patterns
What might serve as an example? Well, there are many to choose from.
Check out the section of this Web site on the twelve signs.
One of the patterns is in the Capricorn section. I call it the Parent pattern. Here it is. The kid comes into a family that for one reason or another does not really bond with him or her. After this lack of nurturing continues, the kid DECIDES one fine day that these folks are unreliable and will never be there in times of need. The only solution is to take matters into one’s own hands and parent yourself. (The actual parents role modeling this in an extreme way themselves can also set the stage for the Parent pattern.)
The Saturn (Capricorn) and Cancer archetypes are parental images. That means there are of necessity two people involved—parent and child. Once anyone polarizes into the Parent role, that means that from then on they are only willing to be the giver in relationships, not the receiver, the receiver being the Child role. The child position was experienced as being unsafe and vulnerable. So there we have the subconscious and its decision. We give; we do not receive.
Now the Parent person grows up and goes to see the astrologer. They are unhappy with their partner who is irresponsible, childlike and never answers their needs. They don’t pull their own weight. Chalk one up for the inner self. It is duplicating its reality and its DECISION. You just married the perfect complement to the parent—the child. It’s your own inner drama coming into your life for real.
So how does Super Parent behave? They are responsible. They take care of things. They usually don’t ask for anything much. You can’t do much for them or give them anything. If you do, they will not feel right until they repay by doing twice as much for you. Remember, the receiving end of things represents vulnerability and they decided not to go there. They may complain that the spouse, kids, friends or employees act like immature dysfunctional idiots but, of course, why wouldn’t they? The Parent encourages dependency relationships. Maybe if the Parent rescued his or her own little inner kid, these other folks just might grow up.
Here's Another One
Another of the astrological relationship patterns involves the Moon or Venus
strongly combined with the planet Uranus. The childhood experience with the mother
(or other nurturers) may be characterized as, “First you see her, then you don’t.”
There may be many reasons for the connect-disconnect relationship that is the child’s reality.
Mommy may go to work or is drunk half the time. Regardless, the subconscious believes that relationships are a sometime thing. The other person will disconnect sooner or later.” One way or other, there is a history of interrupted relationships and magnetizing others who do not commit or run around with other people. Or we can do a pre-emptive strike and leave them first. The fear is that you will go whole hog into the relationship only to have it end and devastate you emotionally. The basic pattern, though, is an interrupted off and on again relationship history that blocks long term intimacy that is one’s true need.
A Word about Current Astrological Cycles
It is obvious that the Leave it to Beaver 1950’s concept of the traditional relationship is about as extinct as the dinosaur. Speaking in generalities, 2004 ushered in powerful astrological cycles that indicate a new paradigm for personal relationships. This means that many people will be struggling with not only their own personal relating concerns but also within the larger context of a culture in deep transition around these same issues.
Comparing Two People’s Horoscopes
No article on relationships is complete without considering the art of Synastry, or comparing one person’s chart to another. This is like going to the astrologer and saying, “He followed me home, Mom, can I keep him?”
The only point I want my clients to really understand is that the patterns in your own chart are the determinants of relationship outcomes. That is because YOUR chart is YOUR history and YOUR psyche, conscious and unconscious. Get the natal chart done first. Understand your own patterns first. Clean up your own act first. Then we’ll talk about comparison. The sadist’s whip will always find the bared back of the masochist. Marriage made in heaven.
(That does not mean that I never take another person’s data and provide some
general patterns. There are some ethics involved here, so ask me about that on an individual basis.)
For the metaphysically inclined:
Past life relationships have revealed amazingly accurate keys to many present
life circumstances between two people. I regularly do psychic past life
analysis for those who are interested in non-traditional sources for the aha! insight.
(Read about my past life sessions here.)
One More Thing
There is something I have wanted to get off my chest and this is the perfect time.
You have probably heard of John Gray’s book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
If we want to stay stuck in the same old relating patterns, then this is the book
to tell us how to do it. He is basically training people how to accommodate
their relationship life to everything that is trying to change and transform
right now. Men can communicate. Venus is in every man’s chart. Mars is in every woman’s chart and she can express it. The current cycle is about more balanced equality relationships. If we still burned books, I’d toss this one on the fire. Lets move on.
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